Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Acid is not a monday night drug
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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