so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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