awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
