hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
