if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
