I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
