but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
