I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
