this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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