I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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