Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
