the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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