he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
