you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
