Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
