I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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