i'm signing you up for texting rehab
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
