I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
