I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
