You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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