Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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