Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
