I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
