The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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