oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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