Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
