I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
