your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
