Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
