respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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