I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
