if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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