Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
