To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
