I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
