I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
