I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
