Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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