just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
