im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
