margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
