Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
