Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
