you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
