I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
