i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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