tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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