I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
