Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
