So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
