she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
