put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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