i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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