He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She announced her abortion via fbk
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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