Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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