My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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