I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Randomize
