is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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