just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
