I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
