11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just saw a hot homeless man
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
