Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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