like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you would pick up someone in the library
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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